Practical Ways To Minister To Those Who Are Grieving

Dear friends,

The whole situation of my Dad's passing has taught me so much.

As soon as word got around that the Lord had called him Home, we were literally inundated with visits, phone calls, and food at my Mom's house.  The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming to us.

But with the flood of visits and goodies that were coming into my Mom's, there were some very practical things that stand out in my mind; things that I will definitely remember when the tables are turned and it's my turn to reach out to someone who is grieving.

Someone set up chairs outside on the carport, and extra chairs in the living room, family room, and on the sun porch, so there was plenty of seating for the steady stream of visitors.

Someone brought huge stacks of paper plates and paper cups. Great! No dish washing!  :)

Someone brought (and a local business donated) bags of ice. Wonderful! With  the constant flow of people coming to visit Mom, there was no way her ice maker could keep up.

Someone brought large black trash cans with trash bags, and put them in the areas where people would be eating. No overflow of trash there!  :)

 Someone (actually 5 someones) prepared the after-funeral meal at Mom's house so that all the food would be ready when we got home from the funeral. And believe me, with three refrigerators packed full of food, that was no easy task.

I realize that these are simple things, but they meant so much to our family.

And one more thing: a tip or two about what to say or what not to say when someone you know  has lost a loved one (and again, I am speaking from experience here)...if you are uncomfortable about calling or visiting the grieving person, please, please do it anyway. Even if you don't know what to say, just being a good listener is a big help. Or a simple "I am so sorry for your loss" is very appropriate and means so much. The visits and phone calls meant more to us than we can even express! The huge crowd at the funeral was overwhelming, but when the graveside service was over and I turned around to find a dear friend  (who is going through some struggles of her own) waiting to talk to me, well, it was something I will never forget.  I can't even put into words what it meant to me to see her there. In spite of everything she's going through, she came. That's what I call the best of friends.

The Lord used all these people to help us through a very hard time. We will never forget the love and kindness they showed to our family. And next time, I will be better prepared to reach out to someone who is grieving.

Romans 12:15:  "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."

Have a terrific Tuesday, everyone!

The 7 Stages of Grief

Dear friends,

Since my Dad's recent Homecall, I have learned about the 7 Stages of Grief. I had heard something about these stages years ago, but never paid much attention. Until my Dad passed away.

About a week after my Dad's funeral, I decided to check it out and see if I am grieving "normally", by the standards of this website anyway.

 Stage one is shock and denial.

Ok, I was shocked when Dad went Home, even though the doctors tried to prepare us for the inevitable. But how do you prepare to tell your Dad good-bye? Maybe my mind was trying to protect me from the reality of it. And, almost 5 weeks later, the shock still hasn't worn off.

As far as denial, I am pretty sure that I am still in that stage. I just got home from visiting my Mom 30 minutes ago. And as I sat talking with her in the family room, I almost expected Dad to coming walking in from the kitchen after filling up his iced tea mug, even though I had just been in tears a few minutes before after seeing Dad's watch  on his table beside his recliner. And knowing he will never wear that watch again. I just can't seem to reconcile myself to the fact that he is gone. So yes, denial is my friend right now. It's helping me deal with all this.

Stage two is pain and guilt.

Oh, yes, the pain is horrific; physical pain, I mean. I am not sure where it comes from, but it is definitely real. The website says to "fully experience the pain, and not hide." Looks like I am right on track with this one because, believe me, I am doing that very thing. No hiding or repressing it here!

Guilt? Well, I can honestly say, I haven't experienced guilt - yet. Maybe that will come later. But I look back with wonderful memories of my Dad. And near the end of his earthly days, all the time I spent with him at his appointments and at the hospital; I am so thankful for all those special moments together.

Stage three is anger and bargaining.

I confess that I have been angry at some of the doctors at the hospital. As soon as my Dad was diagnosed with sepsis, he should have been started on Flagyl, the antibiotic specifically for sepsis.
But he wasn't given Flagyl until he was admitted to ICU. By then, he had already been exhibiting septic shock symptoms for 24 hours. Plain and simple, it was just too late.
 I have been told that I can't keep thinking about the "what ifs".
I know that. It was Dad's time to go and there was nothing I or anyone else could have done to stop it.
After 5 weeks, most of the anger has gone; I know that the Lord took Dad when it was his time to go, and it was His will to take Him. 

Bargaining. Well, there hasn't been any bargaining.
Dad can't come back, and even if he could, he wouldn't want to.
Why would he want to put on his sickly body and come back to this earth with all the sorrow and horrible things that are going on?
Nope...no bargaining.

Stage four is depression, reflection, and loneliness.
I am not really depressed. Just plain sad. Empty.
 Hollow inside.

I am doing alot of reflecting...starting with childhood memories and continuing to just before he passed. So many wonderful memories, but they are all a reminder that there will be no more memory-making with Dad. Then the sadness begins all over again.

Loneliness...yes, especially when I visit Mom. At her house, I am surrounded by Dad's things. He was a cabinet maker and wood worker. His beautiful furniture is in every room. His handmade frames are on the walls. He. is. everywhere.  Even though my Mom has been inundated with visits from all of us and other family members and friends, it is still lonely there. He absence can be felt physically. And when we have all gone home, I can't even begin to imagine how lonely Mom is without him.



Stage five is the upward turn, when I am supposed to be adjusting to life without Dad. Seriously??
When does this stage kick in??
Hopefully soon.


Stage six is reconstruction and working through.
Reconstructing my life without my Dad...well, I am not sure if that will happen any time this year.
The grief is still very raw, and certain reminders of him can start the tears flowing. And I turn into a basket case.


Stage seven is acceptance and hope.
Just when I think I have accepted his passing, something happens and I get thrown back into stage one again.

And hope? Well, my hope can only come from the fact that Dad was a Christian and I know that he is with the Lord right now. I have always had that hope....even while we were in the ICU with Dad, weeping and telling him goodbye (for now), and then watching him step into Heaven.
Without this hope, I would have nothing...and to know that I will see Dad again is such a wonderful comfort.

So from the looks of it, at any given time, I am apparently in several stages of grief at once. And I sometimes even bounce back to a previous stage. I have come to realize that there is no "normal" way to grieve.
The Lord created us all differently; so we will all grieve differently.
I hope this post is a help to others who might be grieving at this time.

 He is "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort"  (2 Corinthians 1:3)


Have a blessed day, friends.

Baby Goats! (part 1)

Hi friends!

Wow - it's been so long since my last post! Time has a way of slipping by and, to be completely honest, posting on this blog has been the last thing on my mind for the past several months. 

But I have been stopping by to visit you all, even though I  didn't leave many comments.

Well, we made it through a very icy,

snowy winter.

We even got to see hoar frost for the first time ever! 

And once spring finally arrived, new life began again...with the arrival of baby goats!

Fiona was first: she had 2 baby boys on March 24th. And thankfully, I didn't need to assist with the births. She did it all by herself, and had her babies before we even knew it! We discovered them a few minutes after they were born. 

(Not so for Helena, but more on that in part 2.)

Titus was born first, healthy and thriving.

Then Toby arrived. He was very weak and couldn't stand up to nurse.

So we brought him into the house near the woodstove, and our daughter and son-in-law literally saved Toby's life by patiently working with the little guy, teaching him to take a bottle.

Toby is still bottle feeding twice aday, which is wonderful for the children; they love to give him his bottle!  And bottle feeding has made him more of a pet than one of the herd.  :)

Titus spends his spare time chewing on his mom's beard. :)

And Toby thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. ;)

 Since Toby is a bottle baby, I'm pretty sure he thinks he's human, and he and Mimi are the best of friends. Can you see the smile on his face? ;)

 

Stay tuned...part 2 is coming soon!

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:"

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

Fall Photos

Hi friends,

I hope you're having a lovely autumn. We have been our usual busy selves around here.

Here's what's been happening in our neck of the woods...

Last month, on October 3rd, my parents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary, only the celebrating had to be postponed. Because unfortunately, on October 1st, my dad had a heart condition that required him to be airlifted to a hospital north of us for pacemaker implant surgery on the morning of October 2nd.

While in the hospital, he very seriously told the nurses, doctors, etc. that they could do the surgery, but they had better release him on the 3rd because he wanted to be home on their anniversary. The family was wondering, "Come home the day after pacemaker surgery???"

Guess what?

He was released on the 3rd!!
Oh, we of little faith!

God is good, isn't He?!

Here's a pic of my parents at their belated anniversary dinner on October 12th:

They are such a wonderful example to family and friends of honoring their marriage covenant.  :)

Meet Raj, the Toggenberg buck...

Our breeder, Mary, brought  him to our property on October 19th. He is one massive goat and is here til he breeds with our does, which hopefully isn't too much longer because he's an eating machine! 

Mary described him as a "gentle giant", and he is...until one of the does goes into heat. Then he morphs into a bull-like, pawing-at-the-ground, head-throwing, furry maniac! That's when we leave the 2 "love birds" alone and let nature take its course.  ;)

As you can see, compared to Helena, he is one big boy!

He has a very interesting curly horn, with a second horn growing up through the middle..

And his beard reminds us of a mane..

We are hoping and praying for baby goats in the spring!  :)

We're still getting plenty of milk from our goats; enough to make raw yogurt..

and ricotta cheese, too. (Sorry! I didn't take a pic of that!)


Our Rouen ducks are getting fattened up for winter. Not that we want to butcher them, because that isn't the plan;  but we are eager to have some duck eggs for baking. And ducklings in the spring would be wonderful, too. They love grazing in the yard and always roost at night close to the goats. They must be thinking that Raj will protect them from predators.  ;)  Here they are foraging near the barnyard as usual, with Helena lounging in the background.

 School days are rolling right along. We have just finished our first term. The children are loving the AO curriculum even more this year than last.
We are enjoying  nature sketching in the beautiful fall colors.
Aaron is sketching under one of our Scarlet oak trees..

Natty is sketching on the rope swing platform.

After sketching, Mimi found some catnip leaves for Kim.

And there is always time for a break from lessons for a basketball game, right?  :)
(Notice Aaron's red boots. He always grabs the shoes/boots closest to the door, no matter who they belong to, since "I don't have time to find my own!"  He's wearing Natty's boots in this photo- lol)

Lately, there has been little time in my life for sewing and crafting. But I was able to squeeze in a few minutes this week to make Natty this skirt from a jumper I got at a thrift store.

But the girls and I have a big sewing project planned for this winter:
making curtains out of this beautiful material that my oldest daughter, Nicole, got for me.
(She lives really close to a Joann's Fabric store and I am soooo jealous! haha!)

I can hardly wait to get started. Come on, winter!  :)

Until next time, my friends.

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1
 

Queen of the Home {16}

"Home is the true wife's kingdom.

There,  first of all, she must be strong and beautiful.

She may touch life outside in many ways,

if she can do it without slighting the duties that are hers within her own doors.

But if any calls for her service must be declined,

they should not be the duties of her home.

These are hers, and no other one's.

Very largely does the wife hold in her hands, as a sacred trust, the happiness

and the highest good of the hearts that nestle there.

The best husband - the truest, the noblest, the gentlest, the richest-hearted - 

cannot make his home happy if his wife be not, in every reasonable sense, 

a helpmate to him.

 

In the last analysis, home happiness depends on the wife.

Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere.

Her hands fashion its beauty.

Her heart makes its love.

And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no woman

who has been called to be a wife, and has listened to the call,

should consider any price too great to pay, 

to be the joy, the blessing, 

the inspiration of the home. "

 

~J.R. Miller, 1874

What I Learned in Public School

Hi everyone,

Wow - has the summer flown by, or what?! And even though it's technically still summer, we started school last Monday. I know, I know...it's only the middle of August, but we've had his year's school books since last April (yeah - I'm a nerd! lol), and we were eager to get started on our second year of AO.  :)

Every summer as the new school year approaches, I am so thankful to the Lord for the freedom to home school my children. I love to see the excitement on my children's faces as we prepare for a new year. And buying new notebooks, pencils, and other school supplies takes me back to my days in public school, and the excitement I felt as a new school year began.  I also try to remember what I learned academically during those years. But I have be truthful and say that I remember very little of what I learned, from books anyway.

So if I don't remember much of the academics of public school, what did I learn?

In Kindergarten, I learned what it was like to leave that wonderful, secure place called home for a place where you were supposed to learn all kinds of new things....at an age too early to leave that security.
I learned that it didn't matter if I cried all the way to school, I still couldn't go home.
  I learned the only thing to do was play with blocks with bully boys or  play house with bossy girls.
I learned that coloring can be boring, especially if you do it all day long.
I learned that if you are on the swing that another little girls wants, you get pushed off (and laughed at) so she can have it.

In my early elementary years (1st - 4th grades), I learned that if you read to the teacher, she would smile. And if you couldn't read, she would frown, and you would have to sit in a special circle.
I learned to be afraid of a teacher that yelled at and belittled students in front of the entire class.
I learned that the smart, quiet kids got all the positive attention, but they were bored most of the day.
I learned that the busy, noisy kids had to learn to be quiet and still, even if was sheer torture.
I learned that if you needed extra help, you were an extra burden to bear.
I learned that teachers didn't know what to do with smart kids, so they gave them extra work or let them help teachers in the lower grades.
I learned that boys like to kiss girls at recess, and that some girls like to be chased.
I learned that you had to wear the right clothes or have right kind of hairstyle to have any friends at all.
I learned some things from the bad kids that I never knew before - and didn't want to know.
I learned that the teacher had lots of patience with the kids who wore nice clothes. And the kids who were the not-so-nice clothes got very little encouragement.

During my middle school years (5th - 7th grades), I learned to stay away from bullies at recess, and that the "slow" children in my class had to no place to hide from the constant verbal abuse of other students. I learned how to look the other way when those kids were picked on, for fear of the bullies coming after me.
 I learned that the popular girls "go with" the popular boys. And if you didn't want to "go with" someone, you were made fun of, and called "gay".
I learned about sex education - on the playground and on the bus, although I also learned about sex education in my early elementary years, too. And by sex education, I mean the most vulgar and profane form of it... and all the slang terms as well.

In my high school years (8th - 12th grades), I learned that the cheerleaders and jocks were the teacher's pets, and could get away with anything, while the "regular" students had to do every single assignment.
I learned to undress in the girls' locker room in front of girls (and teachers) that I had never met.
I learned to be on the look-out for a certain girl who took photos of girls undressing, then showed them  to other students.
I learned to get a B on my PE report card instead of an A because I refused to take a shower in front of those girls and teachers.
I learned to cram for tests, then dump the information.
I learned to hold my breath when I went to the restroom to avoid breathing in the cigarette smoke from the "smokin' cowd" that congregated there.
I learned to not make eye contact with certain people or they would think I was looking for a fight.
I learned that if a girl got pregnant and had an abortion, she could have an abortion, and still come to school the next day, looking very pale, and pretending as if nothing had happened.
I learned that you could get a big chunk of gum thrown in your hair by a bully, who meant for it to land in another girl's hair.
I learned that if someone didn't like you, they could jam your locker door and make you late for class.
I learned that you could get invited to parties at friends' houses where the alcohol flowed freely. And the hosting parents were ok with it. In fact, they provided the alcohol.
I learned who the drug dealers were, and who their clients were.

There is so much more that I learned. I could probably write a book. And I believe that as much of a sinner as I was (I was not a Christian during my school years),
 it's only by the grace of God that I escaped complete moral destruction.


I realize all public school graduates might not have had the same experience as I did. I can only speak for what I heard and saw. And as you can see, it isn't something I look back on with fond memories.

(And people ask why we home school? Seriously??)

But something good came out of my experiences: they make me even more grateful to be able home school my children.

And those experiences help me to persevere through the tough days, because as bad as it was for me, I can't begin to imagine what's going on in public schools in this day and age. From what I have heard on the news, it is horrific. And hubby and I don't want our children exposed to any of it.
So when I think I'm having a bad day, I just need to think back...and remember what I "learned".
That reminder is all I need to keep on keeping on.

I hope your school year is blessed beyond measure, friends!  :)

"Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord.."
~ Psalm 34:11

Nature Exchange

Hi friends,

A couple of years ago, I read an online article out about a fun nature-sharing idea. It's called a Nature Exchange. At the time, there was a woman who was a  mediator of sorts, who would take the names and addresses of 2 families that lived far apart from one another (maybe even in another country), exchange the info, and then the 2 families would gather nature items from their area, and mail them to each other. It sounded like a great way to learn about nature in other parts of the country....or world. 

I sent the mediator our info. Long story short, we sent a family a wonderful box of nature goodies, and got nothing in return...no nature treasures, not even a thank-you note. My children were so disappointed.

So I gave up on that idea for awhile.

  But being the nature-loving children that they are, they brought it up a month or so ago, asking if we could try another family.

I decided that we would not use a mediator again since I have so many wonderful blogging friends to ask.

I made a mental list of the ones that I thought would be interested. There was one friend who is so busy, she can't possibly participate this time around. I completely understand.

So then I thought of my dear AO friend, Silvia, who although she doesn't live in another country, she lives far enough away that our climates and native animal/plant species are vastly different. 

I mentioned her to my children and they were very eager to learn all about the nature in Silvia's state.

So I emailed her to ask.  And she said, "Yes!"

 The gathering frenzy commenced. The children worked really hard to find things they thought Silvia's family would enjoy. If I had $1.00 for every time one of the children asked, "Can we send this in the box?", I would be a very rich woman.  :)

When the frenzy had subsided and we had enough to fill a box, we wrapped everything in bubble wrap,

 labeled them, and carefully packed them in a box. We also included a short letter introducing our family and telling a little bit about what it's like to live in our area.

We securely taped up the box and mailed it. 

We hope they have as much fun opening it as we did sending it.  :)

(And btw, we had so much  fun and learned so much about nature in Silvia's area, we're planning on doing it again later this year!)

Now, for the 2nd best part of this whole thing...would you like to know what Silvia's family sent us?

I thought you'd never ask! ;)

Take a look at my children (and oldest granddaughter) tearing into the box...

Here are the treasures that were in the box...

They sent us beautiful shells...

Pecans (we LOVE pecans!)...

A stick with smooth bark and a wonderful smell...

Prickly Sycamore pods (we love these, because we have only the smooth pods!)...

Lovely duck feathers...

A huge mushroom...

They also sent us a sweet treat - delicious figs! Yummy!  :)

They included a pamphlet listing mammal, insect, and plants species in their area. My children have learned so much from reading this! It has been so informative.

Last, but certainly not least, they sent us this lovely nature book.

It has the most beautiful illustrations, don't you think?

 

Now, where in the world should we keep our nature treasures, we wondered.

We knew it would have to be a very special place.

Well, on a shelf in our school room is where they found their home.

What a treasure trove of goodies!!!
And every time we look at them, we'll think of our dear friends from Texas.  :)

(We also received beautiful bookmarks, but my children whisked them away so fast, I hardly caught a glimpse of them. At the moment, they are safely tucked away in some of my children's favorites books.  :) )
This is one of the most fun-filled, learning activities that our family has ever participated in. We truly loved every moment of it!!

Now...want to know what we sent Silvia and her family??

Head over to her blog and see for yourself!

What about you, friends? Is there a family you'd like to have a nature exchange with? It's a wonderful experience. You'll want to do it again and again. Trust me.

"Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works

Which You have done.."   ~ Psalm 40:5

Have a wonderful day, everyone!