"....Your children shall be like olive plants all around your table." Psalm 128:3

Monday, June 18, 2012

In Memory

 
I don't particularly care for the month of June. Even with Father's Day, anniversaries, and birthdays,  it 's a difficult month for me.

You see, June 16 was the due date for our second baby, who is now in Heaven.

It was the fall of 1985 when my hubby and I found out that we were expecting blessing #2. Our firstborn was 2 years old, and  we were beyond thrilled at the thought of another baby on the way. We immediately began praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby. The early days of the pregnancy were typical for me: lots of morning sickness and tiredness. The morning sickness was difficult, but I knew that it was a sign of a healthy pregnancy.

Then, at about 10 weeks....cramping and spotting.  We were terrified. We prayed, hoping that it wasn't what we were afraid it was.  I called my OB, but I couldn't be "worked in" til the following day. The waiting was agonizing. We kept praying, but neither of us slept that night. I held on to the fact that I was still having morning sickness.

Next morning, I headed to the OB's office and they did a pregnancy test first thing. (They didn't check for a heartbeat. I still question that.)  I was still pregnant!! I felt a such relief! After my appointment,  the OB walked me to the front desk and told me what to expect should the symptoms worsen. Then he told me (in front of the nurses and receptionists - and as loud as he said it, I'm pretty sure people in the waiting room could hear him), "Don't get your hopes up. The pregnancy will probably not survive." With that, he tossed my chart on the desk and went on to his next patient.

Now, first of all,  with those words he crushed what hopes I had of carrying this little one to term.

Second of all, I wanted to shout at him, "This is not a pregnancy!! This is a baby!!" But I was too shocked and saddened by his cruel words to respond. (And no - I never went back to him again.)
As I drove home, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach .

 A  few days went by and the spotting turned in bleeding and the cramps turned into contractions. The morning sickness had  lessened. We knew what that meant. Still, we prayed, asking him to spare our baby. The Lord answered our prayers. He said, "No."

The next part I choose to block out of my memory..and I'll spare you the details.

And  I'm not 100% sure of the gender, but deep in my heart, I believe that our baby was a little girl. That would mean that we have 4 boys and 4 girls. 

I haven't talked much about losing the baby, especially during the years right after the miscarriage.  People just didn't talk about things like that back then. They just kind of swept it under the rug.  But ignoring it doesn't mean it didn't happen.  Even though we never got to hold her, she was still a baby..our baby.

But I have talked about it more over the past several years, especially with our five younger children. And the love to talk about her...and  they ask me questions about what she might be doing in Heaven. 

I answer every question as best as I can, and it's actually therapeutic for me. It's a form of grief therapy, I suppose. 

 I know that even though we don't have her here on earth with us, she is still our child. And I don't want to ever forget that. So last June I decided to make myself a bracelet in her memory. Not that I want to be reminded of the horror of losing a baby, but to remind me of the hope of seeing her again. It is an unbelievable comfort to us to know that our little one is, as hymn writer Fanny Crosby wrote, "Safe in the arms of Jesus".

Here is a photo of what I call my Memory Bracelet...
I chose pink and blue beads since they are the traditional baby colors, and  pearls for the traditional birthstone for the month of June. I wear it often, and when my children see it on my wrist, they say, "Mom! You're wearing the baby's bracelet!"  :')

After all these years, I still grieve for her.  But the Lord has been so good to me, blessing me with more than I could ever ask for. 

And I can truly say, "...The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the Name of the Lord."  (Job 1:21)

Psalm 27:13   "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living." 

 Thanks for reading, friends.









sharing with Tesha's Treasures
                       Deep Roots at Home
                   Raising Arrows 



26 comments:

  1. Lisa it is so good to hear you share your love for your sweet BABY. I am so glad that things are beginning to change and women are starting to grieve the loss of their BABIES. I believe this is an important aspect in our culture of abortion that would seek to quieten our grief and keep us from calling our babies what they our...Our beloved wanted babies. Thank you for sharing this important post and the love you have for her :) Praying for you during this month, I love the bracelet!

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    1. So true, Tesha..the silence is a by-product of our pro-abortion society. But I also think that so many other issues "just weren't talked about" back then.
      Thanks for the prayers, friend. :)

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  2. Thank you for sharing your precious child with us. I will pray for divine comfort for you this month. Love to you.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Christine..and for the prayers. :)
      Love and hugs to you!

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  3. The memory bracelet is very pretty. I am sorry for your loss.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Jen..and for your kind words. :)

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  4. (((hugs))) Lisa, we just lost our baby at 10 weeks. My heart aches for my child that I never got to hold but I know I will see them again in eternity. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for such a beautiful honest post
    Blessings
    Mary @ www.raisinggodlydaughters.blogspot.com

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss, Mary. I read it on your blog and prayed for you...remembering what it is like to lose a baby. It is a wonderful comfort to know that, even though we are separated now, as you said, we will see them again and spend eternity with them. We will have alot of catching up to do, won't we? :)
      Hope you have a blessings-filled week.

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  5. Oh Lisa, I'm in tears. What beautiful words of love. I pray that your testimony of your sweet baby will minister to others. How heartless of that doctor! But I'm glad you are able to share with your children and it sounds like they are very accepting of & love their sister whom they never met -- that is wonderful. Yes, she is fully a part of your family, even though she is in the arms of Jesus -- and so are you. What a pretty bracelet -- worth more than rubies or diamonds. ((Hug, Hugs))

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  6. Jane,
    Your sweet words have brought tears to my eyes. It's been a teary kind of day for me...it was hard to write this and re-live it all over again. I usually try to stay focused on the hope of seeing her again and spending eternity with her. What wonderful security we have in Him! And I never could have made it through if it weren't for His grace and strength. :)
    Thanks for stopping by, dear friend.

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  7. I Love you my dear friend <3

    with Love & Prayers
    Donna

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  8. Words can not express the sadness that befalls one when we loose someone so dear to us.

    I pray that as you have shared here, you are finding peace within the words you have just written.

    He is a God that does not make mistakes. Even though His answer was not what you wanted to hear, He continues to bless you daily.

    May His Grace be upon you always Lisa.

    m.

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    1. Thank you so much, Maria. He does not make mistakes. And you're right - He answered my prayer with "No." And He is sovereign..still on the throne..still working on me, thankfully. :)
      Grace to you, too, my friend.

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  9. Oh, losing a baby is hard. I have lost two. Thankfully after we lost the two babies, the Lord blessed us again. I love your idea of the memory bracelet--what a beautiful way to keep your child in memory.

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    1. I am so sorry for your losses, Lady Violet. thanks for stopping by and sharing.
      Many blessings!

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  10. I love your bracelet and that you are choosing to celebrate your sweet baby's life, although it was much shorter than you would have wanted. I'm so sorry for the loss you experienced.

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    1. It's very kind of you to stop by, Andrea. :)
      Many blessings,
      Lisa

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  11. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby and I love the bracelet you have for her. I wear a necklace for my son and my husband wears a bracelet, a daily reminder that he was real and loved. I pray that God gives you peace and comfort this month. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

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    1. So glad you stopped by, Kristy. Thanks for your kind words and your prayers.
      I hope you're having a blessing-filled week. :)

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  12. Hi Lisa, I am visiting from Tesha's blog. Thank you for sharing this. It is really a blessing to me. One, as someone who has lost a baby as well, it shows that it is not something you ever get over and that is completely normal. But, we also have HOPE and JOY in Jesus and know that our babies await us in Eternity with Him. :D

    What a beautiful bracelet. I love all the colors.

    Have you ever heard of "The National Memorial for the Unborn"? They have a beautiful memorial garden for miscarried and stillborn babies. (memorialfortheunborn.org).

    I'd love to have you come by and read my story as well.

    Much love and hugs,
    Hannah Rose
    www.roseandherlily.com

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  13. Hi Hannah,
    It's so nice to "meet" you. :)
    Thanks for the link. I had no idea that there was such a thing! I'll have to check it out. It sounds wonderful! Finally...people are acknowledging these sweet babies who are waiting for us Heaven.
    Thanks for following me. I'm heading over to "visit" you now. :)
    Hope you're having a blessed week.
    Lisa

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  14. Such a precious story, Lisa. We, too, have lost babies in the womb and to this day when asked, I always want to say we have 8 children (3 of whom are with the Lord), but I always shy away from it thinking people will think it's weird. In my heart, I am the mama of 8 blessings. In my heart, I look forward to meeting the 3 safe in the arms of Jesus. Psalm 27:13 -- yes!!

    Blessings to you and your sweet family, ~Lisa

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  15. Hi Lisa,
    I'm so glad you stopped by and shared your story. And I am so sorry for losses. I used to be shy about saying we have 8 children. But not any more. When people ask us how many children we have, my hubby and I now say, "We have 8 children; 7 on earth and 1 in heaven." It's a wonderful opportunity to share our hope in Christ with those who haven't heard the Gospel. :)
    Hope you're having a blessed week.
    Much love to you,
    Lisa

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  16. As a mom who lost her first baby, I relate, and I thank you for sharing this.

    Love,

    s

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    1. So happy that you stopped by, dear Silvia. I hope that you have a lovely week-end. Much love to you!

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Thanks so much for stopping by. I love to hear from my readers, and your thoughts are welcome. And I try my best to respond to each and every comment. :)